He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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