So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
