if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
