no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
