it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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