Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
