I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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