I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
