I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
