He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
