My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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