i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
