and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize