Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
