At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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