i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
