the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
