people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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