if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
