The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
