just come out here and I will go home with you...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
