It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
