I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
