I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
