Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
