He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
