My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
