I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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