What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
