ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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