I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
