you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
