Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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