dude i'm inner monologue high
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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