that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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