I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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