i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
