My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
