Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
