her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
