i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
