Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
