i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I enjoy the company of your penis
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
