i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
