when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize