dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My dick has a subreddit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
