I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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