Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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