Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
