Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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