i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
