And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
