my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
