I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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