Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
