I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
