Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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