I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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