One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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