He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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