Welp...herpes.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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