I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize