I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
