these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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