i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
