the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
