whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
