his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
