I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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