Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
