I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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