Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
