my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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